Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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