All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
