Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
