apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
