you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
