she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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