you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
