Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
pray to the hookup gods
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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