I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
