Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
