my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have already put on my inside pants.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize