even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
