Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize