So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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