my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
