DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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