the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
