is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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