can we get nightvision for the apartment?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
