what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
