When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize