Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
