Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My cat gives me a boner
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
