How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize