so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
