forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
