We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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