You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
