Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
