if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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