he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
