Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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