he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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