i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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