shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
