don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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