I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
