I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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