Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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