I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
