I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
