Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
