don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
