Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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