This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
