im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am mentally ready for anal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
