i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
