So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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