Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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