I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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