I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
