Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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