planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
