This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize