I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
