Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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