what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
