i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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