conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
