i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
