hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
