can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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