apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize