go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
