I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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