The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
