I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
