the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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