i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
