We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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