And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
